Just Enjoy The View
Sometimes I have a lot to say, sometimes nothing at all. Today is not one of the latter... As I spent the day with Brad, enjoying our time together in North Carolina, my father & my mother were never far from mind. Every time we laughed, held hands, kissed, or talked about the future — they were there.
All the thoughts as they enter my mind:
My mother always wanted to leave South Florida and move to North Carolina. She talked often of her love of the mountains and dreamed of opening a Bed and Breakfast one day, which sadly she would never get the chance. Some may say my dreams often sound very similar to hers, because in a sense, they probably were hers. I am a part of her after all, so it only makes sense we would connect and share in such a similar way.
The last time my mother and father were together in North Carolina would have probably been 2000, from what I can remember, it was for an experimental Cancer treatment.
Now I can't recall all the facts, because maybe I don't remember, or I was just too selfish to ask, but I'm not sure off all they did on this trip. I know they tried their best to treat it like a welcomed vacation, to help ease the pain and trauma for the real reason they were there.
I am my mother's daughter and always in my head, so I know she was most likely trapped in her own. Trying to pretend, trying to forget, that she no longer had the luxury of time I sometimes carelessly waste, because I think I will always have.
So here I am, thinking about my life, thinking about her life, wondering about her days with and without her health.
Like a mirror reflection the thoughts bounced back.
Contemplating too many unanswered questions, I was too naive to know to ask.
Standing in places she may have stood.
Feeling all the pain she must have felt and all the happiness I currently feel, probably even wearing a similar outfit looking out at a similar view.
Feeling guilty to be here while she isn't.
Getting to leave and live where I love, while she never had the chance.
When all the thoughts suddenly stop and silence falls, with one loud booming thought barreling through:
"Did you ever stop to think for a second, that you are just a small piece in a greater puzzle than your own? Part of your story is living out part of hers, fulfilling shared dreams. Maybe she had those desires to pass them on to you,
so you could get to where you were meant to be, to do what you were meant to do, or to share a piece of one another, that would somehow be passed onto someone new.
The story didn't start with her, it didn't end with her, and it certainly won't end with you.
So wherever you are, wherever you are going, however long and hard the road gets, never forget to stop and enjoy the view."